And The Pendulum Swings

I have always been a loner, being brought up by a single parent with no siblings left me doing stuff by myself. Mom was always overprotective and dominant. When she was at work, my maternal grandma took care of me. Mom didn’t like me socialising with other kids (she does not do it) because of which I ended up turning into a couch potato watching a lot of Bollywood films and reading fictional books which got me to become an obese child.

Such was my life as a loner that since childhood I visualised about an alter life. A life where I would have a family, a man who loved me like crazy, an elder brother or a friend with whom I shared a platonic relationship and who loved me like crazy too and lots and lots of pets. I took a while to figure out that this fantasy of mine only had men since I grew up without a male influence in my life, no kids my fear being I don’t want to bring up my kids as a single parent since I have seen that side of the coin.

I found love when I was 18; it turned out to be a bittersweet experience for me. My mom’s reaction to this love was absurd and crazy, and after a few years, I realised the man who I loved was a chauvinist and a philanderer. I could not leave my mom for mom and me are a unit, we have no one else besides each other, so I used to feel guilty leaving her. The concept of a live-in relationship is a relatively novel concept in India, so I could not opt for one, and I could not leave my boyfriend because I was so emotionally attached to him and his family (remember I have always yearned for a family) that it made it difficult to leave him.

Hence, I was caught up between my mom’s neurotic behaviour and my man’s transgressions. 

 

7 comments

  1. U regret all these moments didn’t you ever feel love and how your boyfriend and mom love you too, basically it’s never ur fault u could not choose ur heart wanted mind desired but the squeeze around you didn’t let u u are a great woman don’t give up do u think u can find ur soul mate or I guess u look like a strong women wasn’t that great for u maybe I am not getting it bur great post

    • well maybe at that time I didn’t know how to deal with the situation as I didn’t want to hurt anyone.

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