Lets talk about my first kiss. I spoke about it in brief on Rob’s Blog a couple of days back. It had been a week we were dating and sometimes we had kissed each other on the cheek. I don’t know if this excited me as all these feelings were new, but I liked what was happening. In those days (thanks to my mom) I believed if a woman craved sex or enjoyed sex she was a slut. It was conditioned into my head that sex the act was a disgusting thing. Today I realise why my mom said such things but in those days as it was ingrained in my head I felt guilty, but the feelings I was going thro was exquisite.
We used to have this road at the back of our college which was empty most of the time. We used to walk on that stretch before taking a bus home hand in hand. I don’t know if he had anything in his mind but I had none.
On that afternoon, it was humid and we were tired walking so we sat in an empty auto-rickshaw (a three wheeler vehicle). Now an auto-rickshaw does not have doors, so one can enter inside when its parked. I don’t remember what we were talking about but we were sitting close to each other, hand in hand and he kept coming close to my lips but kissing me on my cheeks instead. (it was much later I understood that this was how he played safe and got what he wanted, put the thought across to someone and then back off) So when he kept doing it, I turned my face around and kissed his lips. It was a short innocent peck, but the feel of my lips on someone else’s lips gave me strength to explore further.
It was at that moment he opened his mouth tongue and all (yeah that fast ……….) and my thoughts were a riot. I thought it would be like the movies, but it wasn’t like that, I didn’t know what to do, it was slobbery and sloppy, and our teeth kept rubbing against each other making a strange sound. The taste of his mouth was tasteless, no, he didn’t have bad breath, but I don’t know what I expected his mouth to taste like chocolates, strawberries. I kept going on with it, for the feeling was unique but he kept his eyes open which freaked me out, I kept thinking why was his eyes open?
Closing the eyes was something that came natural while kissing. But what did I know. I was a girl in love and unexperienced, and here was this guy who I thought was my ‘Mr Darcy” and I thought he was kissing me so well, which was strange considering he told me he hadn’t kissed a girl before. Oxytocin and Dopamine had clogged my ability to think straight and when his arms wrapped around me pulling me closer I melted.
The kiss was erotic in its own way and I knew this memory will last forever. You will have many kisses after that. But that first kiss will always stay etched in your heart. If the relationship is a success you will remember it fondly. If it ended badly you will remember it with a lump in your throat, but you will always remember it. Bittersweet memories it is the first kiss.