The day was hot and sultry. Greyish clouds hung low over the valley. Wood smoke drifted from a nearby vineyard, burning off after the harvest.
I had just finished drawing water from the pump in the courtyard. Lifting the heavy bucket with both hands I struggled inside with it. The heat was unbearable, but it was too soon to expect the rains. Harvest was over and it had been a good one. The sugarcane had given me a fair price.
Rian would have been proud of me, the way I had managed the business alone. The village workers came back year after year. Sometimes I wondered if their loyalty was with me or to Rian, who had been a good employer for many years.
‘No,’ I cannot go there, I don’t want to think about Rian, it fucking hurts so much, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m trying very hard to block these thoughts, but they keep coming back, even though I shake away the memories, Rian is still here.
Rian was not the most good looking or handsome man. In fact he was shorter, darker and thinner than me, but something clicked when we met at the village festival. Considering he was not even good in bed, I still loved him. Maybe because I was a virgin when we consummated our relationship and I had not known better. Now after the numerous casual affairs I’ve had after his departure I savour the ritual of lovemaking.
After Rian had left men were all around me, some leeching, some trying to help, but it was always the same. They all wanted one thing – TO FUCK ME.
Finally I shed my inhibitions and took a new man every alternate day. That was when I got the taste of true lovemaking. These men took their time and savoured me, unlike Rian who managed to finish the task in one an a half minute, (yeah I timed him on a couple of occasions) roll over and fall asleep.
Now I am a voluptuous woman. Earlier in the marriage Rian was okay with it, but as time passed by, he made bitter remarks about my body. My body would not excite him anymore. Days would pass by with no intimacy and when or if we ever had sex it was all over in a minute leaving me frustrated that I had no choice but to use my hands.
I had heard rumours about his affairs but ignored it. I was not emotionally strong enough to confront him until one day I caught him red handed fucking someone in the fields. The entire episode is still very hazy, we argued, I threw him out of the house. The divorce papers followed later citing the reason of our separation as incompatibility.
Later through some friends I learnt that he lives in the city married to the same woman he was fucking in the fields they have a kid now. My life ruined. He had left me the house and money but what I wanted was vengeance. I was an open wound, so when the men made advances at me I gave in. At least for a few hours when I was with them I would hurt no more. As they say ‘Time is the best healer’ I realised no point in being bitter, we all have to deal with our respective karmas.
……………… to be continued …………………